Conspiracy Chrissy presents “My Personal Conspiracy Theory”: A Quarantine Tale

I am not proud of writing this particular perspective on this particular topic. It gives me no pleasure. I’m acutely aware that taking pieces of information from different sources and randomly connecting them gives the appearance of schizophrenia, but I’m choosing to introduce Conspiracy Chrissy and publicly release my inner conspiracy theorist, so that when all of the information confirming my conspiracy theory is declassified, probably sometime in 2035, I can say, “I told you!” I picture the warm fuzzies tingling within me as I fly my car to the top of the Empire State Building and yell a loud, hearty “I TOLD YOU ALL!” By then, there should be some sort of medal people get for being right — Oooh! Like a Conspiracy Coin!

Let’s hop right to it, not the flying car, my story. #BestJokeEver
I didn’t pay attention to Covid-19 until the shutdowns occurred in March of 2020. In February, a vendor at my company began wearing a mask to the office. I thought he was odd and overly cautious. I called my friend, who watched the news way more than me to chuckle with her about how silly he looked coming into the office, speaking to everyone through his mask. When she told me she had started wearing a mask too and would not be stopping, no matter what Dr. Fauci or the CDC said, I thought she was being overly cautious too. She didn’t say Dr. Fauci because he wasn’t a household name in February of 2020, but that’s who she meant. She also advised me keep my son out of school until the smoke cleared and we discussed how nonsensical it was for the government to publicly state that wearing a mask would have no affect on the spread of a virus. After our talk, I ordered vitamin C for my office and let my son stay home from school, but secretly I thought she was worrying for the sake of worrying.

My Staycation Starts: A Rabbit Hole
About a week after that conversation, the state of California began quarantine protocols. Everyone called it a lockdown. Personally, I thought they could have done a better job at marketing by calling it a “State Staycation or Home Holiday” to quell public concern, but that’s a topic for another blog. I didn’t care what they called it, the beginning of the quarantine was a vacation for me. I didn’t realize how much I loved my house. I only went there to sleep. It was glorious because during a regular vacation, I would be expected to visit friends, attend parties and expose my son to unique outdoor experiences, but not during a lockdown. It was refreshing. I made YouTube videos, watched YouTube videos, baked cookies from recipes I learned on YouTube videos, wrote songs, read books, began law school, spent long hours making passive aggressive comments on twitter and so much more. The rabbit holes I entered were extensive. I learned about lizard people, aspects of systematic racism that I had never considered in the past, the origin of propaganda and Q-Anon.

I watched a conspiracy documentary with some mind blowing theories. If the first video series I watched hadn’t ended with a proclamation that the savior, who would deliver us from world’s evil would be Donald Trump, I might have become a believer. Many of the conclusions in the documentary were lofty, but there were some that were too solid to dismiss and I’m not completely dismissive of the loftier theories either because the creatively crafted mentions of pizza were too plentiful in those leaked government e-mails to not be suspicious. However, this doesn’t affect my daily life and it is not the subject of my future “I told you” moment, so I won’t spend time on it here.

One of the conspiracy documentaries that I watched during one of my journeys down the rabbit hole was about the origin of Covid-19. The movie detailed how Covid19 was created in a lab in Wuhan and accidentally released. It discussed how the “bat” story was a coverup because the scientists involved in the research didn’t want to take accountability for the leak or admit that they were creating diseases in order to study them. The documentary makers presented verifiable evidence of past leaks from the Wuhan facility, showed statements from scientists who said there was no way the virus was naturally occurring and even introduced a whistleblower who corroborated the allegations. Put a pin in this information. It is essential to my personal theory.

Masks On/Masks Off
In June of 2020, California initiated a mask mandate. It was odd. It wasn’t odd that wearing a mask would lessen the spread of a virus or that a state would mandate masks, but it was odd that people were openly hostile toward each other about their mask choice. I didn’t have any strong feeling against wearing a mask, but I understood how people could be skeptical about wearing masks because the government went from blatantly lying about the effectiveness of wearing them to mandating them for everyone. Personally, I was more annoyed at the people who condemned others for not wearing them initially because in my heart of hearts, I just want people to mind their own business, but eventually, I became equally annoyed by the foolish outrage the anti-maskers displayed. I desperately wanted someone to explain to the word “rights” to them, even though I know it wouldn’t matter. Even though I could somewhat relate because I don’t like people telling me what to do, I had to admit that anti-mask logic was faulty, but I will also admit that if it wasn’t for their penchant toward being ignorant, racist, whiny babies, I would have been more sympathetic to their cause.

The Doctor’s Dictum Trumps Logic
The public’s reaction to Dr. Fauci puzzled me. He knew that masks were effective, yet he sat in an interview on a television show and said that “Americans should not be walking around with masks”. If you search for the video now, articles call it “outdated.” Apparently, “outdated” is the new internet term for “alternative fact," which is another way of saying “a documented lie that we don’t want to discuss”. Initially, people joked about it. It was an obvious lie, which he covered with another obvious lie. He said that they didn’t tell people that mask wearing was effective because doing so could deplete the supply of N95 masks. Huh? What? He literally said that in the same interview where he said that we didn’t need to be walking around with masks. Did all the mask factories close? This isn’t germane to my theory, except to show that Dr. Fauci and other officials lie even when they know, we know, they are lying. When I think about blatant lies too long, I get headaches, so I need to move on from this point quickly. Not only did the public overwhelmingly accept Dr. Fauci’s blatant initial lie, but they accepted the ridiculous excuse for the initial lie almost without question and Dr. Fauci became a national hero. I’m still puzzled, confused and befuddled. They just accepted it. The anti-maskers didn’t accept it, but can’t take their opinions into account because . . . well . . . racism.

Politicians Are Highly Intelligent
Before I reveal my personal conspiracy theory, I must disclose that there was a time in my life when I believed I was smarter than everyone else, especially experienced government officials. I have an above average IQ — not genius level, but right on the cusp of above average. This fed my false belief that I knew more than them. When I was younger, I chuckled at the ridiculous decisions they made like spending insane amounts of money to research monkeys throwing feces, politicians lying on camera, or the electoral college system. As I matured, my perceived intellectual superiority was an acute source of stress. Anger welled within me when I heard politicians beg people to vote. I got sharp stomach pains when I heard these same politicians pretend that gerrymandering was an insurmountable problem and refuse to change Super Tuesday to Super Saturday. Since I thought I knew more than them, it irked me to see them ignore simple solutions.

After reading a college essay written by an established neoliberal politician, who I thought was especially idiotic, I had an epiphany. The essay was intelligent, insightful and inspirational. It didn’t match the policies or perception that I had of the idiotic politician at all. No one who was as moronic and deceptive as this particular politician could be so intelligent and logical. The person who wrote that paper was way smarter than me. I literally googled the politician’s IQ. It was WAY higher than my puny above average number. In an instant, I realized that I wasn’t smarter than experienced government officials, politicians, or their staff. I realized that they know what they are doing and they also know that if they say anything enough, the uninformed public, full of people who think they are more intelligent than their leaders, will disregard personal logic, argue over basic facts and become easily distracted by any shiny object, or topic placed in front of us. Politicians and other leaders are smart plus they know more or at least the same information as we do, which means they want it this way. It’s a plan. Once I accepted that, my stress dissipated. The deliberate misinformation, the politicalization of the pandemic and the public’s inability to keep track of it all without distraction is the perfect example of the orchestrated confusion surrounding Covid.

Orchestrated Confusion
I’m close to revealing my conspiracy, but in order for it to be fully understood, I have to explain where we are right now. We all know that vaccines take years to create and test, but this one was mass produced to the public in record time. The CDC and scientists have been purposely indirect about the benefit of taking the vaccine, but when you read between the jibber jabber, the main benefit of the vaccine is that when you take it, you will not die or get super sick from the Covid. You may still get the virus and you may still spread the virus for at least six months or so, but you shouldn’t die from it. Since you can still spread it to people, I don’t understand why vaccinated people can be around older people if there is a change that they can still spread it and I don’t understand why unvaccinated people should not be around older vaccinated people if the vaccine prevents the chance of their death? It’s confusing. I’m not going to dwell on it because it’s not really relevant to my theory, but these are logical questions with answers that should be able to be explained and understood by people with above average intelligence . . . unless someone wants the public to walk around confused and at odds.

A few weeks ago, my son asked me if we could go swimming. I didn’t feel like taking him swimming, but I also know that if I gave him a definite “no," he would ask me “Why we couldn’t go to the pool?” and possibly a series of additional questions that I didn’t want to answer. I looked at my son with love in my eyes and said, “Maybe we can go later.” Later in the afternoon, my amazing son asked me if we could go to McDonalds, I had no intention of taking him to McDonald’s, but for reasons previously described, I looked my little angel in his eyes and said with all the earnestness that I could muster, “It’s possible. Let me think about it.” I had already thought about it. The answer was “no” and later was never going to come. As a mother, I frequently use “maybe," “possibly," “might” and other indeterminate words when I don’t want to engage in the protest that might ensue by giving a firm, “no.” I can’t say “yes” because I’d be lying to my dear child and that’s only appropriate when I’m referring to bunnies that leave money for the teeth in my dresser drawer, men in red suits that sneak into our house once a year and my opinion about my angel’s “artwork” adorning our home.

When the government does this, it is planned confusion. The CDC website uses these indefinite terms when addressing whether people who have received the vaccine can spread the virus. I understand. If they tell people that they can still spread this virus or catch it once vaccinated, people may not race to get the vaccine. But what about lifting the mask mandate? This week, the CDC announced that people who are fully vaccinated are not required to wear masks. This is clearly illogical based on information that has been given about Covid. About a week before the CDC announcements, the crazies, remember the people who released the documentary I mentioned at the the beginning of this article, started chattering about a protein spike. They believe that people who have been vaccinated spread the virus to unvaccinated people due to a protein spike. Opponents say that the theory comes from a protein spike that was found during Sars research. The opponents, arguing against their “guess” of the conspiracy origin, declare that a Covid19 protein spike is not possible because the Sars vaccine was made from Sars, which allowed the spikes to spread, but that the Covid19 vaccine is not made with Covid, so there is no way that a Covid19 vaccinated person can create Covid19 spike to spread. Neither side discusses the studies that show that the Sars protein spikes helped fight other Sars mutations.

My brain just got tired. Bottomline: it’s complicated, but the only part that is relevant to my personal conspiracy theory is that there is a fringe group who believe that the people who receive the Covid19 vaccine pass “something” to non-vaccinated people.

Focus For The Finish
Here are the important aspects to focus on in order to understand my personal conspiracy theory:

• About two months ago, the former CDC director publicly stated that he believes that Covid was created in a lab. One point for the crazies, the donald and all the scientists who where discredited as looney bonkers when they said that there was no way the virus could be naturally occurring.
• The reason that it was important to establish the origins of the virus is because knowing the origin makes it easier to treat.
• The vaccine was created in record time.
• Lifting the mask ban for fully vaccinated people does not match the stated reasons for wearing a mask.
• I wanted to find a way to connect off-world vehicles to my theory, but I couldn’t, so unfortunately, I am unable to connect aliens.

My Personal Conspiracy Theory
I think that since the virus was created in the Wuhan Lab and accidentally leaked while they were performing gain of function research, the data was available to create an antidote (the vaccine), where spike proteins are used as viral antigens and those viral antigens curb the spread of the manmade, Covid19 virus. It’s the most probable explanation for the current mask decision.

I think that Dr. Fauci and other key officials were made fully aware of the leak in Wuhan at the very beginning, and immediately began working on a method to cure the virus or at least make it less deadly. I don’t think it was as complicated as creating a vaccine from scratch because they made the virus, not because we were “so lucky” or the other reasons that have been given to explain the accelerated vaccine. I think that people who have the vaccine do spread a protein to people don’t have the vaccine. I don’t think it is something nefarious. I think that it is something that decelerates the spread of the virus. I think that officials won’t tell people the truth because they would have to admit playing a part in creating the virus, the vaccine and participating in gain of function research. This also explains why the CDC wants people who are fully vaccinated to walk around mask-less, with full knowledge that people who are not fully vaccinated may choose to not wear masks too. Is it more likely that the CDC and medical professionals who the government consults to make policies have not considered that people may lie about being vaccinated or that officials know that people with vaccines may pass viral antigens along that will make the population safer? I choose the latter and keep my fingers crossed.

Whew! I am so glad I got that out. It’s been floating around in my head for a while. Now, I can stop thinking about it and come back to it again in 2035, when I’ll be able to say, “I told you!”